You are or have been a Latter-day Saint missionary if:

You have been living in Hawaii for a year and a half and don't even own a swimsuit.

You ask golden questions and talk about golden plates while searching for golden investigators.

You have learned that pouring ketchup on burnt scrambled eggs is cheaper and easier than throwing them away.

You've ever been told that Elder is an interesting first name.

You have a new wardrobe today because you traded ties with a friend.

You've reinforced the soles of your dress shoes with duct tape.

You top 10 favorite hits are all hymns.

You hum them all day long.

You have calluses on your knuckles from knocking on doors.

Your closet has nine shirts in it and eight of them used to be white.

You spend more time praying for others than for yourself.

You have learned how to eat animal parts that you would normally throw away.
(Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, p. 118-120)